Relationship Care….

As Type 1 parents, we were immediately thrown into carb counting, insulin ratios, diabetes management devices, extra doctor visits to the Endocrinologist, high and low blood sugar management etc. etc. etc, from sun up to sun down and all seconds in between.  No one told us how managing an illness for our child would directly affect us, how we care for ourselves, and even our closest relationships.

Because we’re constantly in caretaker mode, self-care is very important when caring for a child with a chronic illness, but so is relationship care. Relationship care can include your marriage or significant other, family members, friends and/or any other relationship you value that needs to be nurtured.  When you really think about it, relationship care becomes a form of self-care and can qualify as a self-care task, if it is high on your priority list. 

It is so common to fall into the bubble of caring for your child.  It’s especially easy to do when you don’t know other parents who have a child or children with Type 1 or another illness or when you feel like others may not understand what you’re going through.  You feel alone and you begin to isolate yourself in your “caregiving bubble”.

Tyrece and I are so blessed to have a true village of family and friends who have been behind us from day one.  Many have asked questions about Trace’s diabetes, his care and have wanted to learn some of the basics of managing high and low blood sugar.  But even with a supportive village, we still found ourselves in our “caregiving bubble” often.  We found that we weren’t discussing with friends and family what we were truly going through, day-to-day.  We found that when we were invited to events, it was easier to decline some invitations and just stay home than to pack up everything he would need and call on one of the only three people who were trained to care for Trace.  Or when we did go out with friends, we couldn’t really enjoy ourselves or focus on grown-up conversation because of the Dexcom beeps or the calls/texts we would receive from whomever was caring for Trace.

After a while of living in our caregiving bubble, we had to have the pep talks of all pep talks with one another.  We needed to make our relationship a priority, whether it be one-on-one dates or hanging out with our other couple friends.  We needed to have adult interaction outside of work and we needed to be sure to make each other a priority.  We realized that we couldn’t be effective caregivers without prioritizing our relationships, beginning with each other, but expanding to our village, as well.  

If you are in your “caregiving bubble”, here are a few helpful tips to chart you on the path towards relationship care:

• Create separate lists of things you need to feel balanced and share with one another ways to help meet those needs. 
• Schedule routine date nights, even if it means candlelight dinner in your living room while the kids sleep upstairs. 
• Check in with each other each morning or night and agree to have at least one intentional “diabetes (or other illness) free” conversation per day. 
• Invite friends over for backyard parties where the kids can play in the distance and you can still socialize. 
• Schedule routine guys/girls nights out for some much needed friend time–guilt free. 

If I’m being honest, some days we boldly burst our caregiving bubble and put an emphasis on deepening our relationship with each other and all of the people we care deeply about.  Other times, we allow the monotony of life to weigh us down.  When that happens, we make sure to check-in, regroup, and re-energize!  

Use the template below as a guide to begin your relationship care bucket list!