The Other Kid.

The Other Kid.

In conversations about caring for a child with a chronic illness, we often forget about the other kid– the sibling or siblings to the child with the illness.  When a child is diagnosed we, as parents or caregivers, go all in as we’re learning any and everything that has to do with that illness.

Medication, devices, doctors visits…there’s so many things to learn and with that we can easily get distracted and forget to check in with our other children.  We forget to consider how the diagnosis is affecting them or how the extra attention given to one child is affecting the other.

With our kids, our oldest son, Tate, mistook the way we cared for Trace (our son with Type 1 diabetes) as Trace getting more attention. He viewed us caring for Trace as us paying more attention to Trace and spending more time with Trace, while leaving him out.  He did not understand that we were taking care of Trace’s health and needed to provide him extra care to keep him alive.

So what’s the solution? Let me tell you, we’re not perfect and I’m definitely not suggesting you’re going to get it right all the time.  Also, I know how easy it is for mom or dad guilt to creep in and rear its ugly head, which is not my intention either.  I can say that we’ve taken a deliberate, yet simple approach to developing his understanding around his brother’s care.  We make a conscious effort to explain things in greater detail and more often to Tate, so that he is conscious of what is happening with his brother.  We also encourage him to get more involved in type one diabetes care and to learn more about type one diabetes.  Finally, and most importantly, we make sure that we are spending time with him outside of diabetes conversations and routines.  We try to make sure we have that one-on-one time with him, cultivate and remain in tune with his interests, and maintain routine (weekly, and sometimes daily) check-ins with him.

We know that each of our sons has unique personality traits, needs, and desires, so we make sure to differentiate our interactions with them accordingly.  It is important for us to learn ways to meet their emotional needs, so with both of our boys, we make it a priority to do a mental wellness check-in each day, week or as needed, just to learn how they perceive things are going.  This is a great way for us to determine if there are things they need to talk about or work through.  We also take turns allowing each of them to spend one-on-one time with each of us regularly.  This has helped Tate to feel seen, even as diabetes care is happening continuously around him.  Our one-on-ones are often simple gestures like asking one to go along for a quick store run or to help in the yard, but they have been powerful ways to connect. 

Whether you have one kid or many, be sure to cultivate each one as you navigate through this parenting and caregiving journey.